The days are shorter and colder, the films more serious, the election at hand. There's a crispness in the air, and try as we might to hold back the tears, we cannot escape the inevitable conclusion that autumn is at hand, bringing with it the reminder that life is fleeting and death ever closer. (Kidding, kidding.) So let's just have a good time, yeah?
The end of summer doesn't mean the end of fun: Here are some of our favorite totally cliché fall traditions. If you're not into them, that's fine. But if you are, don't be ashamed that you love a cliché (or six). Love what you love, regardless of how cool it is. Because at the end of the day, who cares?
1. Pumpkin Spice Everything
Cookies, candles, caffeinated beverages. We don't know why this trend is hated with such vitriol (ahem, misogyny), but Le Spice du Pumpkin has killed exactly zero people, so there's really no reason for guilt here.
2. Leggings
They are not pants. But they are comfortable and flattering and easy to pack and wash and care for and who cares if everyone else is wearing them? Everyone else wears jeans and brushes their teeth and drinks water and breathes air. Some things are ubiquitous because they are good.
3. Boots
To be worn with leggings (and sweaters!). Cute boots are every American's constitutional right for the fall months. It's in the constitution. You don't have to check, we checked, and it's there. In the constitution. The American one. It's there.
4. Watching Crap TV
Sure, Pitch will probably be cancelled by Thanksgiving, but why is it important that, in the age of Infinite TV Options, we only watch Important Dramas or Groundbreaking Comedies? There's no shame in tuning in to This Is Us and thinking, This is me.
5. Going Apple-Picking
Or pumpkin-patching. You think you're better than apples? Sure, it's kind of a stupid activity, but when you're old and looking back at your life, are you really going to think, I sure am glad I never went apple-picking!? It's fun. Sometimes things are just fun.
6. Hayrides
See: above "fun" factor. Best enjoyed with a big mug of cider that you can spill on your flannel shirt. 'Tis a far better thing to go on a hayride and hate it then to never go on a hayride at all.
7. Black Friday
Maybe it is consumerist bedlam serving no purpose other than to bleed dry the workers on the altar of capitalism, but would you mind holding onto your lectures until after I listen to the new Nicki Minaj freestyle on my brand-new top-of-the-line speaker system that was only 50 bucks?
8. Doing Nature for the Photos
Go on a hike to 'gram the view. Anyone who cares enough to write a snarky comment clearly has bigger issues.
9. Picnics
They require just a bit more time, energy, and planning than staying inside, ordering delivery and writing a web comic about how Only Dogs Get You, but even the thickest wall of ironic hipster affectation starts to crack when enjoying a picnic with friends. (NB: Some people don't like sitting on the ground. There's such a thing as a picnic table. So.)
10. Spray Tans
Summer's glow fading? Get a spray tan. It's your skin.
11. Seeing Oscar Bait
Yes, it's true that September, November, and December are flooded with tearjerker book adaptations starring Respectable Actors looking for another nomination. Ignore the whiny Tarantino wannabes railing against them and see what you think you'll enjoy. The thing that makes inventive indies cool is that they're unpredictable, not mandatory.
12. Halloween Costumes
Please don't be the person who shows up to a costume party in a shapeless dress and statement eyewear just to demonstrate how utterly #OverIt she is. Be a sexy cat or a sexy dolphin or a Kardashian or a piece of lint. (I have been a piece of lint for Halloween; I was very cozy that night.) Halloween is but once a year, so do whatever you want, but do something! Just don't be Harley Quinn.
13. Halloween Costumes...for Your Pet
If your pet doesn't mind, why should anyone else?
Happy fall, y'all!
