With people having kids later and many rejecting parenthood altogether, the possibility that a woman will pop out babies once she has a willing partner is no longer a given. But that doesn't stop some men from wanting kids quickly—which can be a problem when a woman wants to remain child-free, at least for the time being.
At age 26, babiesterrifyme doesn't think she wants kids at any point, let alone now. "My boyfriend and I—we'll call him Nick,—have been in love since our first date and we only fall more in love every day," she said. "I made it clear to him since the beginning that marriage was iffy and children were out of the question for me. I have no maternal drive and no desire to reproduce." At first, he agreed to it, but suddenly, "he won't stop advocating that we have a family," she wrote on Reddit. He's also been making awkward jokes about it, like touching her stomach and saying "one day."
"Usually, that'd make me run for the hills," she said. But now, "it's kind of making me feel warm and fuzzy and that terrifies me." Is she actually changing her mind, though, or is he just getting into her head?
Here's what Reddit had to say.
"Maybe you have (or will) change your mind about having kids, but I think before you even start thinking about that issue, you have some other sh-t to deal with. ... You both agreed up front about something fundamental to your relationship, and now, out of nowhere, he seems to have changed his mind. When he changed his mind, he didn't talk to you about it like an adult. Instead, he made creepy comments that assumed/pressured you to go along with what he wanted—often in front of other people, where you felt too uncomfortable to disagree. ... I think it's time for you to set a serious boundary about the kids issue: 'We talked about having kids and agreed neither of us wants them. If you've changed your mind, then we should discuss it like adults. But you need to know that even if I ever became open to having kids, it would be at least several years in the future. Right now, I need you to stop making comments that assume we're going to have kids, and stop putting me on the spot about this subject in front of other people.' I think how he reacts to that will be extremely telling." —IThoughtSo98
"Stop letting him pressure you. Yes, you are clouded. There is nothing wrong with wanting more time to decide whether to make an enormous life decision, especially when you were so clear on not wanting children. Please don't rush into having kids with this guy." —lilbumblebee
"Even if it turns out you're not as committed to being childfree as you thought you were, do you really want the father to be someone who blatantly ignores what you want and thinks 'cutesy' (or, from an outsider's perspective, super-creepy) attempts to pretend the issue is already settled are a substitute for a serious adult conversation about what this would mean for both of you? ... If I were you, I would be extremely wary of sleeping with Nick without multiple, tamper-proof birth control measures in place." —mm172
What would you do if your partner pressured you for kids and you weren't ready?
