If you get paid tomorrow and want to do a little splurging, look no further than pizzaslime.com, which is selling Noah Cyrus' tears for $12,000. Sounds like a bargain, right? I mean, if you're lucky to receive a random check for $12,000, there's no better way to spend it than on a vial of tears from Miley Cyrus' little sister. Who needs a savings account or a house? How boring! How normal! Noah Cyrus' tears are absolutely worth forking over every cent you have.
In all seriousness, what? This isn't a prank. This isn't a joke. This is an actual vial of actual tears from Noah Cyrus selling for $12,000. The stunt is clearly just a way to promote Cyrus' EP Good Cry, which drops this Friday (September 21). Pizzaslime.com's description of these tears reads, "This is approximately 12 tears made by Noah Cyrus as a result of sadness. Human digestion of these tears is not suggested cause tears are generally pretty salty and that would just be super fucking weird if you drank someone else's tears."
There are so many questions running through my head right now. How do you accurately count tears? What was Cyrus crying about? What if the tears get lost in the mail? Will you receive a second jar of tears for free?
Cyrus posted about the sale herself, which is only available for 48 hours. She has other merch as well, like hoodies and sweatpants, just in case you already have a vile of celebrity tears on your mantle.
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If you think buying tears is weird, just wait until you see what other souvenirs celebrities have sold on the Internet. Check out the eight most surprising buys, below:
Adele's bag of air. Last year an Adele fan tried selling a bag of air from her concert on eBay. The post was eventually taken down, but at one point bids were as high as $1,500.
Scarlett Johansson’s tissue. In 2008 the actress signed her used tissue and sold it for $5,300. She donated the proceeds to charity. No word on whether the fan who bought the tissue caught Johansson's cold.
Justin Timberlake's breakfast. A 19-year-old *NSYNC superfan got her hands on Timberlake's half-eaten French toast back in 2000 for the cool price of $1,025. Like Johansson, Timberlake gave the cash to charity.
Britney Spears' used pregnancy test. CNN reports that an Ottawa radio station secured the positive pregnancy test BritBrit tossed into a Los Angeles hotel room wastebasket in 2005 and sold it for $5,001. Insert obligatory "Oh, baby, baby" joke. (I'll see myself out.)
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's breath. Yup, someone pulled an Adele in 2010 with Brangelina's "breath." YourTango reports that a celebrity spotter named Joe Wilson captured Pitt and Jolie's "breath" in a jar and sold it online for $523. Wouldn't it be nice to be a person who has $500 to spend on quite literally nothing?
John Lennon's tooth. A Canadian dentist snagged one of the late Beatles' pearly whites for $31,200. "I want to hold your hand tooth."
William Shatner's kidney stone. GoldenPalace.com, a casino known for buying crazy things like the Virgin Mary–shaped grilled cheese, reportedly bought Shatner's kidney stone for $25,000. Which raises the question: How the hell was this delivered?
Queen Elizabeth II's underwear. One pair of royal undergarments were sold to a questionable person for $18,101, according to Christian Post I object to this on every imaginable level.
What happened to just buying a nice poster?! The Internet is a terrifying place.
